I am Right Here
by zanima
Summary: Sai thought he disappeared, but maybe he was wrong. He could see Hikaru perfectly. He was right in front of Sai but...something was strange. A fan fiction on Hikaru no Go. A story based on volume 15 and 17.
1. Chapter 1: Disappearance

**I am Right Here (a Hikaru no Go fanfiction)**

 **Match One: Disappearance**

 **A/N: Whenever the font has** _Italic_ **it means either Sai is talking but Hikaru can't hear, or it is thoughts of either Sai or Hikaru.**

 **This is a fan fiction on Hikaru no Go. I love this manga so I decided to write a story on it. This is my first fan fiction and I hope you would like it. I would love if you would comment on my story. This story I based completely on the scene where Sai disappears (dialogue and all), but the parts about Sai is my own idea.**

 **Anyways, please enjoy A**

The open window brought in a cool morning breeze causing the curtains to flip gently with the wind. Hikaru and Sai had just returned home from the pro Kishi and the boy was sleepy from playing through the night with Ogata. Sai knew this, but he felt that he needed to play one more match with Hikaru before he disappeared.

"Hikaru," Sai said in a serious tone, "lets play one match."

"No way," Hikaru rejected as he sat on his bed while feeling the cool breeze on his face, "I'm already tired. Come on, think about my health a bit will you?"

Sai made a sad face.

When Hikaru saw this, he brushed his fingers through his blond bangs while slipping off the bed and said reluctantly, "Fine, but right after we play I'm going to sleep."

The teen sat crisscross across the go board and took the two go bowls.

"What are you doing? Sit down."  
The ghost sat down as Hikaru clacked the first stone down.

Sai pointed his move with his white fan as he began to feel the time coming closer and closer. He was going to disappear.

Sai was sad. He didn't want his final match to be a drag.

The ghost sadly watched the teen fighting back the urge to sleep, and was obviously not trying to play very hard.

Sai sat silently with his hands on his lap as he raised his hand once again to point his next move. Hikaru clacked his stone down then yawned. Sai then began to contemplate over his whole existence.

 _One-hundred-and-forty years ago I appeared before Torajiro. If one would say Torajiro existed for me, then perhaps I exist for Hikaru._

 _And Hikaru will also exist for someone else._

 _And that someone will exist for another person._

 _And like that one thousand years become two thousand years and accumulates._

 _My job for the long road to the Hand of God is finished._

Sai then remembered that he had something to say to Hikaru.

"That's right,"Sai called, "Hikaru."

The teen stared in a daze still trying not to fall asleep. He didn't even look up at Sai. It seemed as though he didn't even hear him.

 _"Hikaru?"_

There was no reaction from the boy.

 _"Hey, you know, Hikaru..."_ Sai tried to communicate.

The boy stayed in a daze.

 _"Eh?"_ Sai said confusedly, _"Can you hear me?"_

The boy seemed to ignore him.

 _"Hikaru. It was fun being with yo-"_

Suddenly everything became a haze.

 _Oh, I must be disappearing. That must be it._

Sai closed his eyes expecting to be in the heavens when he opened them; however, he was mistaken. When the ghost opened his eyes he saw the same scenery. Nothing different.

The same boy, the same bed, the same window, the same breeze, the same curtain.

The same go board.

The same pieces.

Sai watched Hikaru as the he yawned.

"Hey Sai, it's your turn."

There was no reply.

Hikaru repeated in a harsher tone, "I said it's your turn."

The boy then looked up annoyed while yelling, "Sai!"

 _"H-hai!"_ Sai replied a bit startled with the tone.

Hikaru looked at the direction of Sai's face; however, it was strange. He wasn't really looking _at_ Sai. It seemed as though the teen was looking right through him.

Sai stuttered, _"S-sorry...Hikaru,"_ he pointed his next move with the fan, _"this is my next move..."_

"Sai?" Hikaru said as he looked around the room.

 _"Yes?"_

Hikaru then turns his head quickly while calling Sai's name a few more times. Then he looks under the Go board and yells out in complaint, "Sai~ I'm only playing because you wanted to!"

 _"Hikaru?"_ Sai called out again wondering why Hikaru didn't hear him, _"I'm right here."_

"SAI!"

The loud voice of frustration coming from the boy shocked Sai. Sai was right in front of the boy, but Hikaru couldn't see him. The ghost didn't understand what was going on.

 _"Hikar-"_

"Mou! I'm going to sleep!" Hikaru abruptly stood up and marched to the bed and flopped under the covers.

Sai didn't understand Hikaru's sudden actions. All he new was that the teen was angry with him.

There was a moment of silence until Sai made a chibi face and nudged Hikaru, _"Lets play~ Hikaru~ Stop ignoring me."_

"HEY!" Hikaru yelled as he suddenly sat up causing Sai to jump, "Stop it already. Come out!"

 _"H-hai..."_ Sai saluted.

Hikaru stared at the room, and quickly ran out and looked through every room in the house from bathrooms to closets.

 _"What are you looking for, Hikaru?"_

Hikaru didn't answer.

Sai could then hear Hikaru's thoughts being transmitted to him.

 _Maybe he flew out of the window?_

Sai jumped and waved his hands around Hikaru and desperately told him, _"No, I didn't. See, I'm standing right in front of you!"_

 _So maybe he flew to the Go Institute..._

Sai felt a pang of sadness from not being heard as Hikaru ran out of the house to go to the Go Institute.

After arriving, Hikaru saw that Sai wasn't there, and tried to think of other places Sai would go to.

 _I'm sure Sai is at Grandpa's attic by the Go board!_

 _"No Hikaru! Listen to me! I'm standing right next to you!"_

Hikaru held no reaction to the poor ghost. He simply ran as fast as he could to go to his grandpa's house.

When he arrived, the first thing he did was run up to the attic. Hikaru peaked at the room. His heart was shattered into pieces when he saw Sai was not there.

Hikaru's voice whimpered as he said, "He isn't here..."  
 _"No. I'm right here, Hikaru..."_ tears came to Sai's eyes, _"Stop acting like I disappeared."_

Disappeared?

Suddenly everything came to place in Sai's mind.

 _That's right. Hikaru can't see me anymore. At that time when I felt the haziness, I disappeared. From that point on he couldn't see me and that's why he was 'ignoring' me._

 _It was because he couldn't see me._

 _So,_ Sai thought, _the bloodstains are probably..._

"Gone." Hikaru whispered, "The bloodstains...are gone."

 **A/N: I forgot to tell you before but If you see any grammatical mistake please tell me. I want to fix it and make sure it doesn't happen again.**


	2. Chapter 2: Where is He?

_Hey, I'm really happy that people read my story! It made me supper motivated to make another chapter. I'm so sorry if this chapter is a bit slow though. I tried to follow the storyline as much as possible but it may have made the story a bit boring. Which leads me to a new question: Do you want me to go almost exactly along with the manga flow or maybe skip some parts here and there?_

 _Now, the new chapter!_

* * *

 **Chapter Two: Where is He?!**

"Why?" Hikaru questioned, "What just happened?"

Sai stood behind Hikaru, waiting for his reaction. He began to wonder if Hikaru would cry, or maybe (he hoped not) jump with joy. If Hikaru wouldn't be bothered by it then Sai knew he would be hurt but at the same time, he wouldn't be worried to pass on and leave Hikaru.

Sai pouted.

 _But I still hope he cries at least a little bit._

"He was just playing Go with me in my room" Hikaru continued his monologue, " and just like that it was the same as always."

" _No it wasn't,"_ Sai whispered, " _I knew I was going to disappear. I could feel it so it wasn't the same."_ Sai shook his head.

 _Yes, it wasn't the same. In fact I felt like I was floating to the sky and I felt ready to move on. But why am I still here? Suffering in silence without you here to talk with me?_

"Now that I think about it," Hikaru thought as realization struck him, "the last time we came here Sai screamed that he would soon disappear." Hikaru's eyes widened and his face darkened as his thoughts pulsed through Sai's mind, "It can't be that Sai really disappeared?"

Sai looked down sadly at Hikaru.

 _Yes, I did disappear, Hikaru._

Sai waited for either a soft sob or a big smile of freedom, which would soon become laughter. But neither happened. Of all things, Hikaru denied it.

The thought's of the teen rang through Sai's mind. The teen wholeheartedly denied the idea and seemed to truly believe it. It couldn't be that Sai disappeared.

The denial from the child though, triggered something in Sai. Suddenly he had a desire to try to make the child hear him so he screamed out loudly to the boy with watered eyes.

 _"That's right Hikaru! I didn't disappear. I'm right in front of you. See?"_ Sai said with hopefulness as he opened his arms in front of the boy.

But the boy noticed nothing as he simply crawled to the ladder of the attic and called out to his grandfather, "When does a ghost disappear?"

His grandfather, slightly confused, answered simply, "You mean when a person passes on? I guess when they have no more regrets?"

"That's right," Hikaru thought, "He's aiming for the Hand of G-d so he'd probably want to stay here for thousands of years!" Hikaru climbed down the ladder, "I'm sure he's in the room, I mean he was there this morning."

Hikaru dashed out of the house and ran toward home. Sai stood in the attic and looked at the Go board.

 _"G-d. Why did you have to do this to me? How could I look at Hikaru in the face if he won't even notice me? Will you,"_ Sai interrogated with sadness, looking at the spot on the Go board that the bloodstains appeared to be in for Sai but not Hikaru, as his voice cracked slightly, _"make me stay with a Hikaru who can't see me forever? Please,"_ Sai looked up at the ceiling, _"make Hikaru see me!"_

Then suddenly, Sai felt a pulling pressure. His "body" suddenly careened towards Hikaru's home. He felt his "body" go up and though the open window of the teen's bedroom. The curtains were still blowing in the afternoon wind. Sai sat down on Hikaru's bed and enjoyed imagining the feeling of wind on his face. He remembered when he was still alive he used to love to sit under sakura trees and stare at the sunset, as his long hair would flow in the wind. But now he couldn't feel anything.

Anything he "touched" would just go though him.

Anyone who "saw" him would just see though him. Like how Hikaru would now seem to instinctively look into Sai's direction but couldn't "see" him at all.

Sai jolted as a slam of the door was heard. Sai looked into the direction of the door. A worried faced Hikaru barged in with sweat dripping on his face.

Sai looked at Hikaru with a hurt face but no tears present in the ghost's eyes. Maybe he already got used to the feeling of constant grief. He never felt this bad for thousands of years since his suicide. Even then it all ended when he could no longer breath and finally died in the midst of water and fish. The fish kept his corpse company.

Even when he got stuck in the Go board, at least people played on it and he constantly felt happiness from the taps of Go stones on the Go board. And eventually he met Torajiro. Then he was left alone again but after thousands of years, he finally met Hikaru. But even during those long years he was sleeping soundly in the Go board till he felt awaken from the touch of a child's pudgy fingers and squeaky voice.

Now, he had to deal with the feeling of being with a beloved but not being able to talk to him. Only to look at him and cause grief.

Sai saw Hikaru's face turn to sadness then suddenly to stubbornness as the teen convinced himself again, "I'm sure he just went somewhere. This is the first time it ever happened but I'm sure he just found a way to go somewhere on his own!"

The ghost frowned and spoke to the teen, _"Hikaru, you know I'd never leave without telling you. Plus, I can't ever leave you. See even now I was led to you through an invisible magnet."_

Sai's eyes then widened as he saw Hikaru walk to his direction and climb onto the bed while talking to himself, "Sai's been kind of out of it recently so I'm sure he just went somewhere with a 'poof.'"

 _"I have_ not _been out of it!"_ The ghost pouted with puffed up cheeks and a scowl.

Not hearing the ghost, the teen leaned towards the window and stared at the sky, "Yah, probably with a 'poof' he flew in the sky and went out to play somewhere!"

Sai looked at Hikaru sympathetically and sighed, " _Hikaru, you know I can't fly…"_

Then the boy wondered to himself aloud, "Was Sai able to fly?"

Sai smiled at the ridiculousness of the boy. What imagination the boy had.

 _There's no way I can fly. If I was ably to do that I would have done it a long time ag-_

"I'M SURE HE LEARNT HOW TO FLY! HE ONLY WENT SOMEWHERE TO PLAY. G-D WHERE DID SAI FLY TO?" Hikaru snapped then whispered again, "Where did he go?"

Sai panicked at the sudden out burst of the child. He started to run around Hikaru and to attempt to calm him down by saying, " _Hikaru, Hikaru, calm down. I'm right here."_ Then Sai got a light bulb of inspiration, " _Hikaru, I know what you should do! Get a little drink of water and calm your nerves a bit!"_

Unexpectedly the boy bounced off the bed and dashed out of the room.

Sai stared at the empty door way, tilted his head and grinned.

 _Is Hikaru taking my advice? Can he hear me again?_

Then Sai heard a sound of Hikaru picking up the phone and dial a number. When the other person answered the teen said, "Hey Grandpa, Where would ghosts go?"

Sai sighed and put his hand to his head.

 _Where does this boy get such crazy ideas?_

* * *

Thanks for reading!

Don't forge to comment and follow the story .

If you have a fan fiction you want me to read please PM me! I'll definitely read if I have the time and I know of the manga or anime!


	3. Chapter 3: Hoinbou Shuusaku

A/N

I hope you like this chapter. Please keep in mind though, I didn't read much into the real story of Hoinbou Shuusaku so there may be some wrong facts in there. If you notice any extremely wrong fact, then please PM me. Also, the I don't actually know where Sai died so this is all based on my own ideas. I thought I should write longer chapters but I am still a beginner at this so just writing a 2,000 word chapter takes me a while so please bear with the shortness. Please tell me if this chapter was confusing. I'll rewrite it... I was in a rush to post this but I do plan to fix it!

Enjoy!

* * *

"Their grave? A place with memories?" Hikaru said with slight realization.

 _But Sai probably doesn't have a grave so…a place with memories?_

Sai shook his head as he heard Hikaru's thoughts vibrate though his mind in a gentle way. Sai was definitely here but in a different way. However, Sai did begin to think about his real body. Where could it be? Maybe it was still stuck deep in the river he did suicide in. Or could they have found the body and gave it a proper burial?

No way.

It couldn't be possible that they found his body; after all, it was in a secret place that only Sai went to. It was a river deep in a forest that had a spot full of Sakura trees.

It was on one spring afternoon when he followed a little purple bird and he found the perfect place to sit silently and meditate. There was his favorite Sakura trees and a beautiful spring of water. Once he found that spot, he never told anyone of it and he never saw anyone there either. Nobody could have know about it.

"Thanks Gramps." Hikaru said as he hung up the phone.

Hikaru began to think:

 _He wasn't in the basement where we met so maybe he isn't in a place of memories with me?_

 _Wait a second._

"Torajiro!" Hikaru exclaimed realizing that Sai might go to that person's grave or memorial sites.

Ah~Sai loved Torajiro. It would have been wonderful to go to Torajiro's graveyard but alas, Sai was in a current state of immobilization.

Hikaru dashed up his stairs and ran to his bookshelf looking for the Japan map. He mumbled a few things that Sai didn't listen to. The boy excitedly found the map and held it in his two hands and started talking to himself.

"Sai always had complaints about me but," Hikaru made an annoyed face, "he seemed to like Torajiro a lot."

Sai smiled big and bright. He sat on the bed once more and enjoyed the breeze.

 _"Yes, Torajiro was a great man."_ Sai's eyes shined and the world suddenly looked like sparkles, _"He was a big and compassionate man."_

"Che," Hikaru pouted and threw the map onto the floor, "Forget about Torajiro. Hump, Sai was also inside me."

Sai brought up his hand in his kimono sleeve and cover his mouth as he chuckled, _"Hikaru, Are you jealous? Indeed Torajiro was a person I loved very much but Hikaru,"_ Sai closed his eyes and remembered the death of Torajiro. His old companion coughed up so much blood that Sai never knew a human could do. Sai wished he could be more of help towards his old friend but he knew he could only give encouraging thoughts, " _I love you just as much as I love him."_

Hikaru looked with longing towards the direction Sai was seated in. For Hikaru the bed was empty with only a mid-afternoon breeze present, but for Sai, when Hikaru looked at him, it was like the world came back to him. It almost felt like Hikaru could see him.

Hikaru looked determined again. "I have time to look for Sai all day tomorrow so I'll wait for Sai today and if he doesn't come back," Hikaru murmered as he picked up the map again, "I'll look for him."

 _I'm definitely going to find you. It's not fair that you can just disappear like that. I don't like that, Sai!_

* * *

That day passed like a blur.

Sai never appeared and it made Hikaru frustrated.

 _Why isn't Sai here? He must have gone to Innoshima to look at Torajiro sites. That must be it._

The boy took his map, a bag full of necessities and headed off to the train station. Innoshima was far and he knew that he would have to be there for a long time. He probably won't be back till the next day. But if it meant that he would get even the slightest hint of where Sai was, the boy was ready to go.

Beep Beep!

The boy turned to the sound of a car honking only to see Kawai-san.

"Hey, where you going? I'll give you a ride."

The boy sat in the car then told Kawai-san, "I'm going to the Tokyo station."

"Hum, a trip? Where."

"Innoshima," Hikaru said as quietly as possible. He didn't want anyone to really know where he was going. Especially Kawai-san.

"What?! Innoshima? Isn't that where Hoinbou Shuusaku was born?" Kawai-san began to ramble, "Ah~ I want to go there too."

Hikaru began to sweat. Hopefuly Kawai-san wouldn't get some stupid ideas.

"I know! I have vacation right now so I'll do you a favor and go with you!"

"EH? What?" Hikaru was shocked. He expected something but not that Kawai-san would come with him.

"I said, 'I'll go with you."

"EHH?"

* * *

(Hoinbou Shuusaku site: Go board)

"Oh~ look, there's a Go board." Kawai-san said happily with his hands in his pocket.

Sai glanced at the said Go board and in a millisecond was sent to that day hundreds of years ago. It wasn't the same Go board that Hikaru's grandfather had but it was one that triggered memories. It triggered memories of Torajiro's death.

Torajiro had been sick in bed for less than three days but the doctors had announced that Torajiro would die shortly. Torajiro had looked up at Sai who had been watching the doctors for a while now and smiled his most beautiful yet sad smile.

"Torajiro…" Sai had whispered to the sick man. Torajiro had been unable to eat well with out throwing up in the process so the young man had been emaciated and pale.

"S-sai," the go player had replied, "lets play one last match."

"B-but Torajiro, y-your health."

Sai had begun to resent the doctors. They could have helped Torajiro and he may have lived longer, but the healers had already long lost hope for any person who caught the illness. They had assumed that anyone who caught the epidemic would die anyways so they stopped taking care of them and left them to die.

"I'll be dying anyways so I might as well play my first and last game with you."

Sai gasped. Their _first_ and last game? Had they really never had a match with each other despite their long relationship? Sai thought about it. Could it really be that Sai didn't actually know how Torajiro really played Go?

Sai then heard a shuffle from Torajiro. The man had forced his emaciated body to move. He was dragging his body to the Go board.

Sai ran to Torajiro. He wished to help him. He wished to wrap Torajiro's arms around his shoulders and help him move. He wished he could have been able to hug him and comfort him. It was impossible. He was a ghost and Torajiro was human. The strangeness was that Sai was dead for longer than Torajiro but it seemed like his friend was leaving the world way before him.

The man dragged himself to the cushion near the Go board. He sat in seiza, trembling; he lifted his thin hand, pale blue and boney, and chose a black stone and placed it on the right corner.

"Sai, its your turn."

With eyes filled with tears, Sai lifted his long slender hands, pure white and beautiful, and pointed to his move.

The game moved on and came towards the finale. Sai began to think.

 _Torajiro, your Go is beautiful. If you would say my Go is like an elegant warrior then yours is a cloudless serene. The more you look into it, the more you are drawn in; but you can't stare at it for long. The sun is always there to stop you. But that is the beauty. Afterall the elegant warrior can never be without the tranquil sky._

Torajiro's mind was clouded and as he finally lifted his hand to place his next move but he suddenly felt a spasm of coughs hit him and he droped the stone, ruining the game. It was one of the most painful spasm so far and Sai could feel the pain from Torajiro.

Sai also felt like he would double up and cough but be didn't. Instead he felt a second of whiteness and silence. He felt like he went to heaven for one second but he was still there with Torajiro. He could feel Torajiro's pain and suffering. (A/N BTW, Sai just 'disppeared' from Torajiro)

 _"Torajiro, I'm with you so don't worry."_

Torajiro could no longer hear or see Sai. He didn't want to be alone. But when he looked up again only to see Sai still gone it made him scared and not to mention lonely.

"S-sai. Sai!" the emaciated man looked up with blurred eyes full of painful tears, "SAI Where are you?!" Torajiro then buckled over and started to cough more strongly and fear over came him.

 _Am I going to die like this? With no one around?_

He moved his hand from his mouth and saw his whole palm bloodied and dripping over the Go board.

Right next to the tearstains of Sai.

"S..a…i where are you?"

Sai ran to Torajiro and hugged him, " _I'm here, don't you hear me?"_ He asked not realizing that he was not visible in Torajiro's eyes anymore.

The man continued asking, "Where are you?" till he fell on top of the Go board and closed his eyes with tear rolling down his cheeks. The tear plopped right over Sai's old ones. "Whe…re…are…yo….u…" Torajiro said with his last breath.

The young man had expired and Sai was all alone again. Sai didn't understand why Torajiro couldn't see him or why the man was calling out, 'Where are you,' but what he did know was the fact that Torajiro was scared and Sai couldn't do anything for him.

Sai's eyes watered and he cried and before he knew it he was stuck in the Go board still selfishly desiring the Hand of G-d.

"-ai, Sai!" The ghost heard the sound of a teen boy calling out his name. They were still in the Hoinbou Shuusaku site looking at the Go board.

The ghost saw Hikaru looking around for Sai. Hikaru still couldn't see him and he probably would never see him again either. The boy looked sad when he saw that Sai wasn't there.

 _Yes,_ Sai thought. _Right now I have to watch over Hikaru and not get stuck in a past I can't change._

* * *

(Hoinbou Shuusaku site: Greave yard)

Sai watched Hikaru searching everywhere for the ghost in hopes that he would find him. However Sai knew that it was impossible.

Sai followed the boy to the cemetery in which Torajiro's grave rested. Hikaru immediately began to run around in search of Sai. The ghost however, sat seiza by the tombstone of Torajiro.

 _"Ne, Torajiro,"_ Sai began to say as he stared at the tombstone. _"Why does Hikaru have to suffer so much? It's hard to see him search so much for me. I want to tell him, 'I am right here. Right in front of you.' But…"_ Sai gripped the fan with his hands and blinked hard as he felt water build up in his eyes, _"he can't hear me."_ Sai stopped talking and let the silence take over. He felt that maybe Torajiro would reply. But there was no silence.

 _And this is how Hikaru feels when I don't reply to him…_

Sai heard the birds chirping, the wind blowing, and not very far from him the voice of a young adult calling his name.

"SAI!" Hikaru called out.

" _What should I do, Torajiro?"_ Sai questioned, " _What should I do when Hikaru calls me?"_

Then Sai thought _, what did you want me to do when you called me at the brink of death?_

"Hey Sai, If you can hear me, say something!" Sai heard Hikaru make another worthless request, but for some reason, despite all the attempts to make Hikaru see him, Sai still felt a useless hope.

A feeling of possibilities.

But most of all, he felt a slight feeling of resentment towards G-d for making him disappear.

" _Hikaru!"_ Sai stood up and waved, " _Look, I waving to you!"_

"If you can see me, come fly here!" Hikaru continued to call in his thoughts.

Sai now let go of all the resistant to hold back his tears. He ran to Hikaru and hugged him with big huge droplets of tears falling out of his eyes like faucets.

" _Thank you Hikaru,"_ Sai whispered, " _Thank you for calling me."_

"Sai!"

The ghost looked at the young boy's face as it slowly scrunched into a frown. The teen then turned to leave the cemetery as he said under his breath, "I guess Sai isn't here…"

 _"Wait a second…Hikaru,"_ Sai said sadly as Kawai-san called Hikaru and told him that they had to leave. Hikaru walked slowly towards the exit of the cemetery and left the dejected ghost alone.

Sai stood still as he saw Hikaru's sad looking back run with an incomplete feeling hanging off his shoulders. Sai put his hand to he chest and quietly said his phrase that had started to become a new habit, " _I'm right here…"_

Then there was silence.

The loud sound of regretful silence. An awkward silence would have been better. Then the birds chirped again as though to try to cheer up the ghost.

* * *

Please, please review!

~Zanima


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